helpful child vs. destructive parenting

Most of you know I taught middle school English to 7th graders in Waco, TX for two years. What I am about to describe does not pertain to every child I crossed paths with during those two years.

In my classroom, in the hallway, definitely in the lunchroom, I noticed a negative cloud of entitlement. In this place, it is not unusual for a child to be asked to help someone do something and be refused because it's not their job and you can't make them. This also applies to homework. We as teachers tried many tactics to entice the students to actually do their homework and bring it back, but as I was told on more than one occasion, if the student refuses to do what their parent asks them, why should they do what I ask them? Good question, but it's the wrong question. Why are you refusing to do what your parent asks you? What created this air of laziness and why do you think a life of nothing is better than a life of involvement? I came across an article from www.babycenter.com that I found very interesting. I have copied and pasted a few parts below:

Tool: Ask for your child's help
Age: 12 months to 8 years
How it works: Researchers know something parents may not: Kids come into the world programmed to be helpful and cooperative. All we have to do as parents is take advantage of this natural tendency. "Kids are innately wired to want to cooperate," says Kathryn Kvols. "A lot of times we parents just don't notice this because we don't expect children to be helpful."

…

Kvols says. "You're teaching your child to be helpful, which is one of the most important life skills. We've found time and again that the people who are most mentally healthy are those who've learned to be of service to others."

Isn’t that fascinating? I fully believe this is true. I wonder how many of my students when they were younger were positively encouraged to take responsibility for themselves and in turn were praised for a good or helpful choice?
I have actually sat in parent conferences (yes plural) where the parent and child had a cussing match.

In the comical and ridiculous movie “Corky Romano”, the sensitive main character tells a gang of thugs regarding their vicious guard dog, “Bad dogs aren’t born; they’re made.” While Corky’s timing didn’t bring about good results for him, I think he’s right about dogs and I would apply this to children as well. 

My son will pick up a remote and immediately point it at the t.v. Today he was loaned a few toys to occupy him while we were out and in the toy basket was a play phone. He’s not allowed to play with our phones and he doesn’t have a play phone at home but the moment he saw this toy, he picked it up and put it to his ear. 

You are wondering about my point: I am trying to prove through my own experiences that I am positive children watch us very closely and understand far more than they are given credit for. We as parents MUST model a helpful and responsible attitude. We MUST encourage even the smallest good decisions far more often than a daily basis.

I still am wrestling with a question though. What do you do when you see a destructive parent?
I have watched parent-child interactions in public that have literally haunted me. In one instance, the toddler’s nickname was “Sh*t head” and the parent was laughing about it since the kid “didn’t understand”. Another time I stood in the checkout line behind a teenage parent and another toddler watching thier “game” where the parent would slap the child’s cheek and the young boy would make a fist and punch the parent in the face.

I am sickened to think of the messages these children are receiving. So I return to my question. What do you do when you see this? I am honestly struggling with this. I feel an obligation to this child’s future, but socially I know it’s not my place. 

What do you do?